Something I Learned Today...

There's nothing like a class to completely ruin your day. I was fine when I was in my African Music class, then I got to Spanish, the only subject I was ever truly good at it in high school.

I couldn't stand it. At all. But, it's not the subject that bothers me, this I know for sure. I love languages, and figuring out how they all work absolutely fascinates me.

It's not the TA either. She's quite possibly the nicest TA I've had all year.

It's the class. How it's set up.

I hate group work. I hate talking. Just give me the grammar, tell me what to do with it, and I'm good! We did dramas today in class, I was fine until I realized that I conjugated a verb incorrectly. And I was fine until I had to search for a spot to sit, and couldn't really find one. And even when we had to separate ourselves into groups for the bookwork. Afterwards, I sat there shaking slightly, and say next to nothing for the rest of the hour.

Is that productive? I think not. I need this class, if only for major requirements--which should be Anthropology by next fall. Booyah!--and not for my love of the language and culture. I need to succeed in this class. I don't need to freeze up every fucking day. I haven't had confidence in myself, well, since ever, but I think before I could hide and pretend some slight flicker of confidence was there; some sort of facade, at least. Something. Anything! And Everything.

Now, it's come undone and finally caught up to me. The light is really bright when your sunglasses come off.